Sweet baby Jesus, there are squirrels in my attic! I’m not speaking figuratively--this isn’t a
confession about my sketchy mental health.
You can count on one of those shortly, though, if someone isn’t able to
get a herd of scampering, scurrying rodents out of my house toot-sweet. It's all that I want for Christmas!
These squirrels are making me
nuts! I hear them in the ceiling, fascia
and eaves of my new home morning and evening, tumbling about and seeming to
multiply like a pack of wet gremlins with a bucket of KFC after midnight! So far we’ve tried live trap cages, repellents, and clearing them out and
repairing the holes they’ve gnawed in the house’s apparently scrumptious cedar
siding.
Within days, however, new holes appear and the
nightmares-of-electrical-fire-inducing vermin are back!
{photo copyright: Cafepress.com}
We’ve decided that the majestic oak
trees in the yard will have to go. I’ll
miss the shade next summer. In the
meantime, I’ve been humming this little ditty and it’s helping to ease my
regret.
On the first day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
A nest in my Xmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
2 half-eaten acorns and a nest in my Xmas tree!
On the third day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas
tree!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest
in my Xmas tree!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
5 babies born! 4 shredded
insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty
traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
7 packs of repellant, 6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded
insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!
On the eighth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of repellant, 6 live relocations, 5
babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a
nest in my Xmas tree!
On the ninth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
9 nightmares of house fires, 8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of
repellant, 6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty
traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!
On the tenth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
10 cedar siding holes! 9
nightmares of house fires, 8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of repellant, 6
live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2
half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
11 yards of mesh wire, 10 cedar siding holes, 9 nightmares of house
fires, 8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of repellant, 6 live relocations, 5
babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a
nest in my Xmas tree!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
12 tree branches trimmed, 11 yards of mesh wire, 10 cedar siding holes,
9 nightmares of house fires, 8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of repellant, 6
live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2
half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!
