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Friday, December 20, 2013

Attack of the Christmas Squirrel!

Sweet baby Jesus, there are squirrels in my attic!  I’m not speaking figuratively--this isn’t a confession about my sketchy mental health.  You can count on one of those shortly, though, if someone isn’t able to get a herd of scampering, scurrying rodents out of my house toot-sweet.  It's all that I want for Christmas!


These squirrels are making me nuts!  I hear them in the ceiling, fascia and eaves of my new home morning and evening, tumbling about and seeming to multiply like a pack of wet gremlins with a bucket of KFC after midnight!  So far we’ve tried live trap cages, repellents, and clearing them out and repairing the holes they’ve gnawed in the house’s apparently scrumptious cedar siding.  Within days, however, new holes appear and the nightmares-of-electrical-fire-inducing vermin are back!


{photo copyright:  Cafepress.com}


We’ve decided that the majestic oak trees in the yard will have to go.  I’ll miss the shade next summer.  In the meantime, I’ve been humming this little ditty and it’s helping to ease my regret.

On the first day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
A nest in my Xmas tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
2 half-eaten acorns and a nest in my Xmas tree!

On the third day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas
tree!

On the fourth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!

On the fifth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
5 babies born!  4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!

On the sixth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!

On the seventh day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
7 packs of repellant, 6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!

On the eighth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of repellant, 6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!

On the ninth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
9 nightmares of house fires, 8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of repellant, 6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!

On the tenth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
10 cedar siding holes!  9 nightmares of house fires, 8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of repellant, 6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:
11 yards of mesh wire, 10 cedar siding holes, 9 nightmares of house fires, 8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of repellant, 6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my attic squirrels gave to me:

12 tree branches trimmed, 11 yards of mesh wire, 10 cedar siding holes, 9 nightmares of house fires, 8 frightened party guests, 7 packs of repellant, 6 live relocations, 5 babies born, 4 shredded insulators, 3 empty traps, 2 half-eaten acorns, and a nest in my Xmas tree!